love_story on Datingish

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Case Of The Ex

I have a friend who was dumped by her boyfriend of one year six months ago. She hasn’t moved on sadly, meanwhile he has a new girlfriend. However, she has been trying to sabotage his new relationship by sending him dirty pictures of herself and messages. I do not condone her act, but in her heart, she believed that they belong together. So this situation inspired this entry of questions regarding one’s significant other (SO)’s ex[es]. So for the case of the ex, how would you react or act in any of these situation (or maybe currently in)?

1. Are you in a relationship right now where your SO’s ex is in the picture? Meaning that he or she is still friends with your boyfriend or girlfriend? How do you feel about it?

2. If an ex still has feelings for your SO, but your SO doesn’t feel the same; would you still be okay if he or she is your SO’s friend?

3. If your SO’s ex hurt you emotionally or did something terrible to you (such as by sending explicit pics, telling them they still love your SO, going behind your back); how could you react and what kind of actions would you take?

4. What if your SO’s ex hurt you, but he or she can’t cut off communications completely with them due to their family members being long-time friends with one another? How would you react?

5. How would you feel if your SO’s ex constantly messages your boyfriend or girlfriend online either through facebook, yahoo, icq, msn etc…? And your SO reply back because the ex and him/her have mutual friends, and your SO don’t want to sour the friendships?

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Love/Sex: Two Different Things

I had a conversation recently with my boyfriend of two years about cheating. I told him that I could never cheat on him because I love him, and that I strongly believe in monogamy. He was of course happy with what he heard.

However, when I asked him if he can ever cheat on me. I was surprised and a little disgusted with his answer. His reply was:

BF: "I love you so much honey, but I just don't know if I can promise you that I will always be monogamous. I am a male, and we need to spread our seed."

Me: What?

BF: What if one day I make a mistake, or if we have a fight, and I go out with the boys and I sleep with another woman. You'd forgive me right?

Me: I don't know, I can't promise you that I'd stay with you. You know how I feel about cheating; I just don't want to get hurt.

He starts getting irritated right now, and walks away from me.

BF: Wow! Is that how strong our love is? That you can't even forgive me if I have sex with someone else. I can try to be monogamous right now, but what if one day I get seduced by another woman or have some temptations in front of me? What if sex gets really boring and I need something new?

Me: If you love me, then how can you say you can sleep with someone else so easily?

BF: I am a male, sex and love are two different things to me. I can always f*** other women but still loves only YOU. I just can't believe that you'd just leave like that. How can YOU say you love me if you can just leave me like that?

Honestly, I don't understand his mentality. He is turning this back onto me and right now I am just questioning some things about our relationship. He can't promise me that he'd never cheat, and if he one does make a mistake, he is expecting me to forgive him. Because if I don't, then that means I don't love him. I love him but some of his male's beliefs are turning me off completely.

Are love and sex two different things? Can men really sleep with multiple woman while in a long term relationship, but only have love for the girlfriend (and using other women for sex)?
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